10. Feeling isolated and lacking a support network

2. Feeling isolated and lacking a support network

In my experience of feeling isolated, I now see that I isolated myself as a means of keeping myself safe. Furthermore, I then used the feeling of being isolated as an excuse for why I was disadvantaged in some way; again, keeping me safe from having to “put myself out there.” Sure, I cannot say for certain that this is also your experience, but I do encourage you to explore that possibility.

The truth of the matter is, there’s a vast network of friends and like-minded people out there just waiting for me to show up.

There were multiple times in my life when I had a circle of local friends who I simply no longer resonated with. Yet, I would continue to engage with them because… they were my friends. However, underneath that, I was scared to be alone; I was scared of not having friends. I was scared of being isolated, even though in having a circle of friends I didn’t resonate with, I still felt isolated. I was clinging to something old and tired, clinging to an isolation that pretended to not feel isolated because I had people around me.

There was a moment of getting in touch with this pain of isolation and acknowledging what seemed like a lack of a support network that showed me something profound. Quite simply, the insight was… “Well, this is what I created.”

I created it because I was clinging to the old, clinging to what didn’t resonate because I was afraid of stepping into the new, which is also to step into the unknown. I was, in the most direct way, cutting myself off from the possibility of connecting with new humans that would support my journey.

What I’ve discovered since then, time and time again, is that the support network I craved demanded me to show up as the person who would attract that kind of network and friends. You know what I realized that blew my mind? The type of person I wanted to connect with was the type of person I wanted to be, but I could clearly see that I was avoiding aspects within myself of that type of person. My desire to connect with others was a desire to connect with myself.

The Value of Clarity

We return to the value of clarity. Are you clear about the types of people with whom you want to associate? Are you clear about the type of support network from which you would enjoy contributing to and gaining value? Can you see how this requires you to show up in a new way?

What I saw for myself was that, in my longing to connect with them, there was a confusion that was trying or wanting to 'take' what I saw in them. This is like seeing someone who inspires you and believing they can save you. This will only result in massive disappointment and an energy output that pushes away the person who inspires you. What will most likely happen is that you'll end up blaming those people for your lack of progress. The invitation is to be inspired and then challenge yourself to show up in new ways.

In all the adorable fears we have that express themselves as excuses for not growing, connecting, and expanding, there's a deep invitation to see that whatever seems to be lacking is ultimately our creation. You can see this 'lack' as something that's against you, or you can see it as an open space that waits for you to consciously create something new.

Write it down. Write down the types of friends and support network you would like to experience. Engage the power of your imagination and envision a new way of relating to others and the types of people with whom you prefer to associate.

The Required Risk

Whenever we desire a new experience that's more in alignment with our heart, we must be willing to let go of the old. Comically and compassionately, what most people do is... Wait. They wait for the new to show up before they let go of the old. This is an attempt to keep themselves safe. Obviously, this only pushes away the new; it says, “There's no space here for you now, it's all full.”

This is like staying in a relationship that doesn't resonate while also looking for a new one. We can be so scared of being alone that we cling to what doesn't serve just to avoid that gap of aloneness. A gap that does not offer any future guarantee of outcome. That's the risk. However, taking the risk is a declaration from within yourself that says, “This is truly important.” There is no honoring what is truly important without taking risks.

To step out of feeling isolated will also be taking a risk of being even more isolated. To succeed in business will also be the risk of failing in business.

What is this risk, apart from an adventure? The opportunity here is to consciously choose your risk, which correlates directly to what's most important to you. Define what's important, and the necessary risk will stare you right in the face. Naturally, what helps is to surround yourself with a support network; which, of course, will require the risk of dropping your unsupportive network.

My 3 Big Risks

Here are the 3 big Risks I took that had life-changing impacts on my life and business journey.

1. I Asked for Help

   This might not seem like a big deal, but it was a HUGE deal for me. I was under the assumption that I was supposed to know what I was doing. If I asked for help, then, in a distorted way, it said I didn’t know what I was doing. Also, there’s the inadequacy here as well. I saw asking for help as a sign of weakness, rather than a sign of strength. I was also afraid of people saying no and thinking I was dumb for asking.

2. I Walked Away

   Granted, if I went back, I would probably go about it differently; but, that’s impossible. I took the risk and learned along the way. The pain was too much, and I had to honor my heart. Walked away from what? Simple. Bullshit. The kind where other people demand I be something I’m not, so they could hide from their issues. The kind where I didn’t allow myself to be honest. The kind where others were trying to hold me hostage with guilt, blame, and judgment. Yes, this had ‘perceivable’ disastrous consequences, but they pale in comparison to what I learned about myself, others, and life, which has allowed me to live with more love, compassion, and freedom today. Hear me, though, I’m not talking about walking away from challenges. I’m talking about being deeply honest with yourself and honoring what is sincere. I’m talking about standing on your authority in complete love; while also deeply honoring other people’s journey that allows them to be them, and you to be you. Naturally, this created an open space to allow for connections and opportunities that were more in alignment with what I am.

3. I Invested in Myself

   If I'm building something, such as a life or business, I'll be using instruments and tools to create it. The most impactful instrument that I'll use is myself. If I invest in low-quality tools, they'll either perform poorly or break often, resulting in constant discouragement and slow progress. The wise thing to do would be to invest in higher-quality tools that give me a greater return on my use of them. Similarly, if the instrument of what I am is going to be of high quality, I have to invest. I must prioritize my primary resources of time, money, and relationships in a way that improves the quality of the instrument of what I am.

   1. Time: Be radically honest with myself about where I’m spending my time, and ask if this is increasing the quality of the instrument that I am. I’m not suggesting you force change here, I’m suggesting you bring a compassionate and honest awareness to it. Don’t fool yourself, or lie to yourself. Acknowledge where time is obviously being wasted, and invite/explore new ways of spending that time.
   2. Money: Where do I spend the money I do have, and could it be spent in a way that improves the quality of the instrument that I am? I have to look at the unnecessary expenses and ask if they contribute to a higher-quality version of myself. In many cases, I find out that they do the exact opposite.
   3. Relationships: Are the relationships I surround myself with improving the quality of the instrument that I am (positive), or are they stalling my growth (negative)? There is an opportunity here to honor what I am by surrounding myself with or engaging in relationships that inspire me and help me learn, grow, and play.

The risk here, in investing in myself, is the fear that I will fail or that it won't work out. People often avoid investing in themselves due to this fear, not realizing that the point is not so much the outcome, but to increase their knowledge, understanding, or skill base.